Happy St. Pat's

I'm in Washington
The weather: freakishly nice
I love this city

Met some Shopkeepers
I love talking to these guys
Yay for all y'all

Saw the Hope Diamond
I was slightly underwhelmed
Might have been the crowd

Please don't shove me, kid
The diamond will still be here
If you wait your turn

I like museums
I don't like rude pushy folk
Can't we all just chill?

Some freaking jackhole
Is smoking in the next room
My room's an ashtray

We went to the zoo
The sloth bear was really cool
Gorilla: awesome

Animals are rad
The pandra ate some bamboo
That is one cute bear

It reeks in here now
Non-smoking floor? I guess not
My neighbors are tools

Loud smokers are fun
When you're at a party, or
When you're one of them

Somehow I'll survive
Tonight I ate good sushi
It's St. Patrick's Day

Irish/Japanese
They are two different cultures
But we combined them

Why not eat sushi
To celebrate St. Patrick's?
It's a new age, friends

Now, it's time for bed
Sweet tobacco aroma
Must make for weird dreams

I guess we'll find out
If I have some bad nightmares
I'll blame my neighbors

Not to sound like a
Public service announcement
But seriously

Don't be a douchebag
Smoking in a hotel room
Is an asshole move

The nonsmokers here
Might have some breathing issues
Go outside, lazy

Goodnight, everyone
And a happy St. Pat's Day
Sláinte/Salute

Lost in translation

I'm a huge "Lost" fan. (Warning 1: if you didn't watch the 3/14 "Ji Yeon" broadcast yet, don't read this post.)

This post is going to be about being incredibly disappointed in the writing for the 3/14 broadcast, and the fact that I'm taking the time out of a Sunday morning to complain to the world about a "Lost" plotline means that my own disappointment has caused buzz that, at the end of the day, just helps illustrate the incredible hold this show has over its fans. So congratulations, "Lost" - you win. I'm hooked, and now I'm going to bitch a little. (Warning 2: to get to the actual bitching about this episode without my expository ramblings, skip to the bold text.)

Admittedly, I came onto the "Lost" bandwagon late - I didn't really need another T.V. show to watch, I like cable shows better than network these days ("Dexter" and "Weeds" and "Big Love" are already a commitment, though spotty production/air schedules do free up some time), I was sick of everyone talking about it, T.V. shows are crap these days, how good could it be, etc. - basically, I didn't buy the hype.

So I ignored "Lost" buzz for 2 years, until finally I figured that borrowing a DVD of Season 1 would be a good idea.

Oh. My. God.

I haven't been that immediately grabbed by a show since the first Season of "24." Even with Season 2 being a little boring at the beginning, it was still a helluva lot better than anything else on network television, and these days I laugh about being so frustrated at not knowing answers to the simple questions like "What' s in the hatch?" considering that every time an easy question gets answered we have about 10 more complicated ones. At this point, some of the questions (in no particular order) still bothering the heck out of me are:

1) Where's Walto? And does he have magical powers? And what are they?
2) Was Jin the one in the coffin at the beginning of the season, how and where did he die, and is he counted among the Oceanic 6? And what does his headstone say? I can't read Korean.
3) What happened to Claire, was it Jack's fault, and is that why he doesn't want to see Aaron?
4) Um.. timeline, please. Hurley's in the bin, then he's in Korea, Jack's drunk and a mess and then not and meeting a coffin... ?
5) Who in the HOLY HELL is Benjamin Linus?
6) Mr. Whitmore: good or evil?
7) Um... where are The Others + The Oceanic Others? They didn't all die, so one would assume that they're hanging out on the Island somewhere. Or are they? And where are the rest of the Non-Listed Oceanic survivors?
8) Is Michael still a complete douchebag or is he doing something for the greater good? And did he ever actually get off the Island and onto dry land, or did he boat-hop? And why is he working for Ben?
9) Who/what is Jacob? And did he make "The List?"

Since I like odd numbers and snuck multiple questions and have so many more that this list is now a digression from the original intent of this post (which is to bitch about the 3/14 storyline), I'll stop now.

OK. So the point of the above is to illustrate the following as a backdrop for my intended post subject. To sum up:

1) I'm a bit of a "Lost" fanatic, making me the ideal instrument of buzz/evangelism.
2) There are a lot of confusions, questions and surprises that the show continues to throw at its fans.
3) This show has done an excellent job of being buzzworthy solely because it's different, the writing is phenomenal (usually), every episode opens up a ton of new speculations and questions (which gets people talking), and they've rewarded their most rampant fans with little hints in the show, online sillies and other fun things. Yay for "Lost."

In the case of this episode, there was a very clever and fair buzzworthy move: the close-up of Jin's tombstone revealed some numbers and a lot of writing in Korean, and clearly many fans don't speak Korean and will therefore need to seek out some translation - most likely from their Korean friends or the Internet. Nice job on starting that conversation, writers.

But here's the thing: overall, the 3/14 broadcast was a cheap shot at the expense of the audience and violated a basic trust that we have with "Lost." Here's why:

The flashback interspersed with the flash-forward was, on its surface, a clever move. We see Jin in the past running around trying to buy a panda bear and get to the maternity ward, and we're seeing a flash-forward of Sun in the hospital about to deliver.

Ostensibly, the segments are interspersed to let us know that Jin is on the way to meet Sun. I did wonder why Jin was so dickish and angry, and when you realize that this is Old Jin Working For Sun's Dad as opposed to Kindler, Gentler Post-Crash Jin it makes sense.

So yes, "Lost" writers got me. I thought Jin was alive right up until Hurley said "Then let's go see him," at which point I realized I'd been had.

And here's the thing: we'd really been had, and not in a good way.

The crux of "Lost" flashback-and-forward success is an implicit promise that these segments are:

1) True
2) Relevant

In the case of this episode we assume that that flashback really happened, but the entire segment was completely irrelevant. Up to this point, all "Lost" flashbacks/forwards have been relevant to either providing some important character/plot development/backstory, and/or to move the story forward.

This particular sequence failed miserably at the latter. Watching Jin run around as Mr. Paik's errand boy doesn't tell us anything we don't already know. We're already well aware that Kind Poor Fisherman Jin became Mr. Paik's bitch boy, which changed his own outlook on life and drained the kindness out of him. This isn't news, and unless something spectacular happens between China and Mr. Paik that affects a future "Lost" plotline this entire sequence was a cheap way to fool the audience. (And even if it does happen, it was still kind of a lame stunt.)

So: shame on you, "Lost" writers. I know you had a writer's strike and that it was a mad rush to get some of these episodes out, but surely somebody must have realized that fooling your fans for the sake of it violates the spirit of trust that you've established with us.

On the flipside, the writers have managed to take up 30 minutes of this fan's time and engender a reaction that will encourage discussion and debate with various people. I don't normally participate in "Lost" chatter, so I do find it somewhat ironic and amusing that I've become a buzz source this week due to my complete irritation at lazy writing.

So: Lost writers, I guess I do need to acknowledge that sometimes, annoyance is what propels a good conversation - and when the annoyance stems out of an arguably unhealthy attachment to the greater good of something awesome (in this case, the integrity of "Lost" as a whole), I suppose that you have inadvertently done your job.

But don't do it again. Seriously. We expect better.

But was she a Spitzer or a swallower?

[insert obligatory groans here]

I know, I know. But seriously. Someone had to ask. And since someone had to ask, someone had to make a ridiculous Spitzer t-shirt.

If you don't know what I'm talking about, go to CNN and check out the latest on NY Governor Elliot Spitzer and his high-priced stress relief.

This is the kind of controversy that just asks for merch. The formula is so simple:

Political figure + scandal = funny T-shirt.

Dick Cheney shooting his friend in the face was a big hit with the CafePress crowd; this story is even better given that hookers are a lot sexier than Dick Cheney or his hunting buddies (even when he's wearing a jaunty orange cap), and that New Yorkers are an outspoken bunch to begin with.

The "Falling from grace" story is always a big headline with the American public; we just loooooove to see people fall on their faces, don't we? It's perhaps not an admission we like to make, but it's true. Watching people fall down in real life is funny, as long as they're not seriously injured; watching people fall down metaphorically is downright fascinating for the American populace.

And where there's fascination *and outrage, there's a shirt in the making.

(Well, if you're me you'll default to the thong...)

Drink, Drink and Be Merry

With St. Pat's coming up, I was looking through the CafePress system today to see what our Shopkeepers had come up with this year.

What I found wasn't too surprising: 66,000 designs with the St. Patrick's Day tag, meaning that anyone looking for a St. Patrick's Day t-shirt is going to find something amusing.

What *did surprise me was the crossover between politics and St. Pat's...



Now I'm no politician, but I don't quite understand what this shirt has to do with politics *or St. Patrick's Day. Unless Barack Obama changes the spelling of his name to Barach O'Bama... (Hmm. Maybe that's not such a bad idea; perhaps such a change might prevent uninspired people from leaking photos in the name of the new all-American political pastime, fearmongering.)

Digression: a Haiku

The press must be bored
To pay this much mind to an
Old scrabook photo

In any case, after sifting through a lot of t-shirts for awhile and reflecting on the ever-amusing Alabama Leprechaun story, I began to reflect on the reasons behind booming T-shirt sales around what is traditionally a drinking holiday.

So, here's Leslie's Random Thoughts About St. Patrick's Day T-shirts. (Caveat: it's unlikely that these reflections will help you sell more t-shirts, but anything's possible):

1) St. Patrick's Day is about excess and celebration, and nothing says "excess" like a silly T-shirt to be worn on a day to celebrate the almighty party.

2) St. Patrick's Day is also about drinking, and (as per #1) drinking to excess is the order of the day. And since drinking a lot tends to lead to spills and falling down and occasionally losing clothing entirely and - when things go horribly wrong - projectile bodily fluids (note to self: avoid a shot called an "Irish car bomb," which can most definitely lead to things going horribly wrong), and a random T-shirt that says "Fight Me - I'm Irish!" doesn't look out of place with beer spilled down the front, it only seems natural that ordering a special T-shirt in preparation for this day makes some sort of logical sense.

In short: this is a day where a T-shirt can be disposable.

3) St. Patrick's Day celebrations, being heavily themed around drinking, tend to take place in bars. In bars, people tend to congregate in the hopes that they might attract a member of the opposite sex. Since we've already established that a themed St. Pat's T-shirt is a celebratory and practical thing to wear on this day, it makes sense that one might find a clever St. Pat's T-shirt in order to serve as an icebreaker. This saves everyone the trouble of that awkward "Do you come here often?" and can allow for entrance into a conversation about the shirt itself.

4) Being pinched is annoying. At the very least, you can spend $2 and order a button and avoid being descended upon by irritating friend and coworkers. (I know, that's not about T-shirts - but same principle, I'm just mentioning buttons for any thrifty folks out there who bruise easily.)

Anyway, I don't know that any of these insights are earth-shattering, but I do know that I am now somewhat motivated to order myself a T-shirt for this special day.

This, by virtue of combining politics and St. Pat's in a way that I can still understand after a few pints of Guinness, is my pick this year:

Buzz Cowboy FAQ

A haiku:

I like FAQ's
Let's get them out of the way
So we might move on

Q) What is this blog about?
A) This blog is about my general observations on life, the public discourse, and being noisy. Since I've been in the Marketing Department at CafePress since 2003 (and therefore have far too many t-shirts), chances are that I'll mention my general observations about Marketing, Buzz Marketing and its crossover into the online space, CafePress, and having far too many t-shirts.

I'll probably also mention my dogs because they wouldn't have it otherwise, and because I'm a VP of Bad Rap, and because everyone loves to talk about pit bulls. Well, maybe not everyone - and definitely not the right people, so I guess I'll talk about the dogs since, you know, I actually own them. (Many people who like to talk talk talk about pit bulls have never spent much time with or even met one at all.)

I might also mention food. Because I love food. I especially love good food (not necessarily expensive food - just good food), and am at present working on eating my way from one end of Telegraph Avenue to the other. Since food can arguably be a form of self-expression and since CafePress is all about one's fervent interests, I may work in a food column now and again.

Q) What's up with the haiku?
A) I like bad haiku
I don't know why I write them
But I just can't stop

Q) Why "Buzz Cowboy?"
A) BuzzMonkey sounded too much like a band.

Q) No, seriously.
A) Seriously. Also, the domain name was taken.

Q) So "Buzz Cowboy" doesn't mean anything?
A) I suppose it's something like a bumbling superhero who talks too much and a chaps-clad outlaw pioneering a new frontier and kicking up some dust.

Enjoy the blog.